The worst of the worst Christmas songs
CHARLESTON, W.Va. -- For most of us, the Christmas season is marked by the nonstop cavalcade of Christmas music brought to us by the folks at V100. To be fair, most of the songs are pretty good -- but some are just awful and make you hate the spirit of the season.
This is a list of the five worst, in no particular order.
1. "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" by John Lennon and Yoko Ono
It's painful to include a John Lennon song on a "worst" list, but it needs to be done. Rather than put you in a Christmas mood, this song guilt trips you all the way to the local VFW. Lennon meant the song to be a Vietnam War protest song, but the only thing it makes me protest is the radio station playing it.
2. "Please Daddy (Don't Get Drunk This Christmas)" by John Denver
No. Just no.
3. "12 Days of Redneck Christmas" by Jeff Foxworthy
Putting John Lennon on this list was painful, but putting Jeff Foxworthy on it doesn't hurt at all. You know a song is bad when it starts, "Woo! Somebody dun' been to the Walmart!" And it only gets worse. The redneck gifts include five flannel shirts, four big mud tires, three shotgun shells, two hunting dogs and some parts to a Mustang GT.
At least this song is semi-happy, though. It's not gouge-your-ears-out bad, but it's borderline.
4. "White Christmas" by Twisted Sister
No one asked for this, Twisted Sister. Why'd you do it? To spread cheer? To capitalize on the growing sales of holiday music? After pondering this for a few hours, I still don't know the answer.
The first mistake of the song is lead singer Dee Snider walking into a rehearsal saying, "Why don't we give Christmas music a shot? 'White Christmas' really fits our '80s hair metal style."
5. "The Christmas Shoes" by Newsong
Does including this one make me a bad person? Probably. But I can't stand listening to a song about a kid who spends his mother's final hours of life not with her, but in a shopping line.
It's even worse when the narrator thinks to himself, "I knew I caught a glimpse of heaven's love/When he thanked me and walked out/I know God sent that little boy/To remind me just what Christmas is all about." What can this mean? Someone's mom got cancer just so this guy wouldn't be depressed on Christmas?
The lyrics aren't my only problem, either. It's sung like a Nickelback or Creed style song, and that's just a crime towards humanity.