MORGANTOWN, W.Va. - You know what happened in 2013, right?
But wouldn't it be nice to know what was going to happen in 2014 ahead of time?
Well, wonder no more. If every single thing on this list doesn't happen, I will personally come to each of your homes and apologize. I might even give you money or do personal favors for you. My wife, my children and my grandchildren will also be at your beck and call, as well as my mother.
I, of course, will be the sole arbiter of whether or not these things actually happened. There will be no arguments or appeals:
Johnny Manziel announces that he's leaving Texas A&M for the NFL. Jake Spavital weeps. ESPN celebrates because the nonsensical-hype void left by Tim Tebow's crash-and-burn is now filled. Manziel collects his first (legal) paycheck. The CFL awaits the next Doug Flutie.
Oliver Luck officially moves to expand beer sales to the general public from Mountaineer Field to the Coliseum.
Bob Huggins again pushes for a renovation of the Coliseum that includes something a bit more modern than urine troughs in the men's rooms.
Someone, hopefully, puts two and two together and realizes that Luck's aforementioned beer proposal can't work without Huggins' restroom proposal.
Some seemingly intelligent athletic director or general manager hires Lane Kiffin as a head coach. Another is smitten enough with Greg Schiano to do the same. Logic and reality are suspended. Again.
The Super Bowl is played in a snowstorm in the New Jersey swamps. Young critics pounce. Traditionalists who remember the Ice Bowl rejoice. It's a sport that has been played outdoors in the fall and winter since its inception. Deal with it.
The NCAA mercifully changes the ridiculously confusing and subjective targeting rules ... to make them more ridiculous, more confusing and more subjective. In the future, any hit that provokes any audible reaction from the crowd will be reviewed. If the aggressor started the game, the hit will be deemed legal. If he was a reserve, the punishment will be a game's suspension. In either case, a 15-yard penalty still stands.
Huggins somehow manages to beat Kansas at the Coliseum and immediately donates the $25,000 bonus in his contract for doing so to Dana Holgorsen's recruiting budget so that perhaps someday WVU will be good enough to beat Kansas in football, too.
The Browns fire (fill in the blank) as their head coach, vowing this time to develop a plan and build from the ground up ... as long as it doesn't take more than a year, in which case they will blow it up again and build from the basement up. Wait. We're already in the sub-sub-basement?
Barry Bonds is surprisingly elected to baseball's Hall of Fame despite the steroid issue. Most voters say they finally realized that Bonds was already a first-ballot Hall of Famer even before he started shooting up, so why should what he did later matter? Pete Rose's head implodes.
West Virginia Radio Corp. loses its bitter court battle with West Virginia University, Bray Cary and former GOP congressional candidate Oliver Luck. John Raese later admits that after years of being clobbered by Democrats he just wanted to see if he could at least beat fellow Republicans in some venue. He couldn't.
Champion Baptist College wins its fourth Association of Christian College Athletics national championship since 2007. That's right, the team that lost 116-12 to Southern, the RPI's No. 211 team, is an ACCA powerhouse.
Holgorsen will choose as his starter in the season opener against Alabama the last quarterback almost anyone expected, kind of like he did last August. Soon thereafter, public sentiment will tilt toward all of the other candidates because, well, Holgorsen just never has been much of a QB coach, right?
When the field for the first four-team college football playoff is finalized, these two things will become apparent as the difference between the new system and the BCS: The argument merely changes from Who's No. 2 to Who's No. 4, and now there are real people to blame for whatever mess ensues.
For the second year in a row, Nick Saban, Jimbo Fisher, Art Briles, David Shaw, James Franklin and Jim Harbaugh throw a collective $10 million in a pot and give it to Texas as incentive to get rid of its football coach. Collectively, they make an extra $100 million in panicked contract renegotiations with their current employers, 10 percent of which is thrown into the pot that will be sent to Notre Dame the following offseason.
Reach Dave Hickman at 304-348-1734 or firstname.lastname@example.org or follow him at Twitter.com/dphickman1.