Have you been deemed by parents and neighbors to be “getting a little old” to go trick-or-treating? If you try, will you get stares, not sweets? But do you still want to get a good, cheap sugar buzz? Have no fear — use these tips to satisfy your teenage candy cravings:
8. Play the chaperone: Find a younger or shorter sibling, friend, neighbor, etc., and offer to take them trick-or-treating, preferably in a matching or similarly themed costume. Seriously, I’ve seen entire families rake in the sweets by doing this.
7. Shorten the risks: Wear a costume that makes you look smaller, younger or cuter than you actually are. A bunny, an elf or your standard demonic leprechaun will all work. Something that covers more of your face and body is ideal.
6. The stare factor: Go trick-or-treating in something that is so terrifying, hilarious, ridiculous, loud, eye-popping or politically controversial that it will deflect all attention away from your age and to what went through your head to wear it.
5. Leave no Depp unplumbed: Once trick-or-treating is winding down, invite some sweet-laden kids in for a movie, and show them Tim Burton’s “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.” They will never want to eat candy again.
4. The bottom of the barrel: Convince your parents to buy some candy so you can sit on the porch and hand it out. Just make sure to get a small amount of fruits or vegetables out of the fridge, and place them on top of the bowl, covering up the candy, and make a big deal to anyone you see that you’re giving out something “healthy.” With luck, you won’t get too many visitors, and you can go inside afterward, throw out the health food, and tell your parents that you will reluctantly eat the candy yourself.
3. The ol’ switcheroo: Until Halloween, stockpile some old candy wrappers, and take the time to fill them with some sort of stuffing and tape them closed. Then once Halloween is over, offer every kid you see a candy trade that you’ll obviously come off worse on. If it works, consider a career as a speakeasy gangster.
2. Your lucky day: A few days before Halloween, announce a candy lottery, and make sure that it’s something little kids will be drawn to like vampires to teen romance. Charge every participant a few pieces of candy to enter, and give them a numbered ticket. Then, give the winner the lions’ share of the sweet stuff — just make sure to keep at least a zebra’s share for yourself.
1. No limits Hershey hold ‘rm: The mother of all scams — turn your house, yard or front walkway into a veritable pay-to-play casino, and once again, candy is the currency. Play blackjack, Nintendo, charades or any game you choose — just make sure you’re good at it, or that there’s a way to cheat.