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For the record, I am a proud, one-time grand marshal of Dunbar’s Commode Bowl Parade and an American family man with decades of hands-on experience fixing, adjusting and unclogging toilets.

As such, I feel qualified to express doubt over President Trump’s assertion last week that Americans have to flush their low-flow toilets 10 to 15 times in order to complete the process accomplished by a single flush of a toilet equipped with an old school multi-gallon water tank.

Long before reaching the double-digit mark in flush attempts at successfully clearing a low-flow toilet in my house, I would have released the flush handle, opened the tank lid, and cleared whatever object was keeping the tank from recharging to its maximum 1.6-gallon level. If that turned out not to be the problem, I would have tracked down the nearest plunger and used it to address a suspected clog at a lower point in the commode’s digestive system.

If one makes 10 or more attempts to successfully flush a low-flow toilet and the device fails to clear, 100 to l50 additional flush attempts probably won’t help the situation, assuming more than a gallon of water leaves the tank with each flush.

Of course, the current occupant of the Oval Office blames the Obama administration for mandating the low-flow nonsense, while the policy actually went into effect during George H.W. Bush’s term as president.

Kentucky Senator Rand Paul made the same claim during a Department of Energy hearing in 2011, when he blamed Obama for forcing him to buy low-flow toilets “that don’t flush in my house.” That could be one explanation for why the Obamas never visit.

But there could be another source for the problem.

If such a 10- to 15-flush unit is found in, say, the Oval Office, perhaps its user needs to pay a bit more attention to the quantity and quality of food consumed before mounting the porcelain pony for the customary morning romp through the Twitterverse with “Fox and Friends.”

And, of course, if one wants to avoid 10 to 15 flushes to complete a mission, one should never substitute $100 bills or House Intelligence Committee subpoenas for a modest quantity of Cottonelle.

Reach Rick Steelhammer at, 304-348-5169 or follow

@rsteelhammer on Twitter.

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