To reassure those who only casually follow the numerous conspiracy theories that flit here and there about the atmosphere, my research team provides the following updated amalgamation.
By now, it is a well-established fact, to those who have gone down the conspiracy rabbit hole, that President Joe Biden suffers from dementia. He must be fed with a spoon and, in his public appearances, he mindlessly parrots words that his handlers feed to him through an earpiece. In his nearly two-hour February news conference, his every answer to reporters’ questions was thoughtful and informative. Obviously, a man suffering from dementia could not have done that without the earpiece. Sadly, liberals don’t recognize such convincing evidence, even though it’s right in front of them.
Decrypted messages from “Q,” have put aside any doubt that Donald Trump is still the president. Meaning that Trump was correct to term Putin’s invasion of Ukraine “real savvy.” Consider that, if Trump were wrong, the Ukrainian military would have not been tossing department store mannequins into the streets and pretending they are victims of Putin’s war.
A reformed deep-state insider has confirmed that, indeed, Hillary Clinton abused children in the basement of that infamous pizza shop. Doubters persist in telling us there is no basement there. Sure there isn’t, now. That’s because the basement was backfilled with dirt and paved over, which proves that the allegations are true because why would anyone fill a basement with dirt and pave it over, except to cover up a crime by Hillary Clinton? Case closed.
Shifting gears, several “Big Lies” deserve mention. These are that, under Biden, a record 7 million jobs have been added, that unemployment is at an all-time low and that the economy is booming. Preposterous. In fact, the same crack team of investigators who traced Barack Obama’s birthplace to a mud hut in Kenya have discovered that employers are having difficulty hiring enough workers. And if they can’t hire workers, they have no workers to lay off, do they? Liberals, think about it. It’s called logic.
As an aside, bear in mind that Trump’s removal of 15 boxes of White House records to Mar-a-Lago was an understandable mistake. After all, who among us hasn’t at least once taken 15 boxes of stuff that belonged to someone else? And, given that Trump remains the actual president, no harm done.
We now have solid information that it was Dr. Anthony Fauci himself who created COVID-19 in a government-operated lab in Ukraine. Moreover, while details regarding the ways that Fauci and Disney are working to turn kindergarteners gay have yet to be revealed, undisclosed sources say it’s only a matter of time.
We recently became aware of Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson’s predilection for pedophiles. Her supporters claim that her sentences of child molesters were “middle of the road,” a phrase that roughly translates to “godlessly liberal” in French. Enough said.
Last, the Biden administration’s open borders policy, as it recently was thoughtfully termed by Rep. Carol Miller, R-W.Va., isn’t really about refugees seeking asylum. Rather, conspiracy theorists tell us, the policy was engineered by those who hate America to sneak a million members of al-Qaida into the United States, after they first float their way to Honduras on yachts financed by George Soros. Want to see the doubters squirm? Just ask them to explain why members of al-Qaida would not want to travel to Honduras in a trip paid for by Soros. Slam dunk.
It’s frightening stuff, folks. And it’s all right there, on Hunter Biden’s laptop.